It is with very good reason that my plan to rent a campervan for four months and travel the western U.S. and New Zealand has been met with fits of laughter and no small amount of disbelief: a) I don’t camp; and b) I have no sense of direction or space. I do not exaggerate on either count here. I am one of those who, when told to go to the west end of the parking lot, will ask, “Is that the McDonald’s end or the Staples’ end?” I have described a half a mile as three miles, a hundred yards is a football field on a 72-inch screen, and every time I emerge from a NYC subway station, I invariably go the wrong direction for a block.

As for camping, I once stayed at a Motel 6. (Okay, maybe there is some exaggeration here. I have camped twice, but there were cabins and outhouses involved.) So, with what hubris am I striking out in unfamiliar territory, with a bed on wheels and no toilet? Well, for starters, there’s Tom Tom, my navigation system. And the iPhone. Armed with these, I feel like I might have a fighting chance of not taking a wrong turn to Oklahoma. Which brings me to another handicap: I am appallingly bad at geography. Only about two weeks ago did I discover that Colorado really isn’t all that “West.” It abuts Kansas for God’s sake.

And while the vision in my head of this trip is one of me scaling the Tetons, biking the San Juans, trekking through Redwood forests and surfing along the Pacific Coast, the reality is that there ARE Motel 6s, Walmarts and public restrooms to cater to my every creature comfort (not to mention, I don’t actually surf).

Yet I feel as if these are copouts and in no way honor my adventure. I’ve rented a campervan, with a small galley and a solar shower and, for all intents and purposes, it will be my home for four months. And why not? All the videos on outsideonline.com about van camping lead me to believe that this mode of travel is exciting, serene, otherworldly, simple and, often, in slow motion with a cool dog and a great soundtrack.

So, while it is a comfort to know that a motel or shopping center is never too far way (unless I’m giving the directions), I will not be availing myself of these with any frequency. Instead, you’ll find me curled up in my van trying to figure out how to work the headlamp so I can go out and pee.